It's weird how just one person can change someone so much ... its unbelievable how love can have such a powerful affect on someone's life. Love can bring people smiles and even tears. Everyday I have this on and off, good and bad feeling. I'm so happy to be with Jason, but the other part of me feels really bad for Michael. Just because he's my ex-boyfriend; that doesn't mean I don't care about him anymore. If it wasn't for him, things probably wouldn't be how they are now. The break-up with Michael is what brought me & jason closer. Ironic huh? I know we've had our bad days, and I know he's said some pretty stupid stuff, but everyone screws up. I always have this horrible feeling inside because of the fact of knowing each day I'm breaking someone's heart and hurting someone everyday. In class, I can tell by the look in his eyes that his heart is aching so bad inside ... because of me. Why is that my happiness is the reason behind his tears? Shouldn't he be happy for me? I don't want to be a selfish person, but why can't I be happy and not feel bad? Why do I have to be in the middle of this? They both want what the other person has, but only one person can be fully satisfied. I'm just one person, I can't be with both of them at once. I'm trying to satisfy both by being in a relationship and being friends at the same time, but it doesn't seem to be working out. The decisions you make really do affect your future, it was because of the decisions he made is what led him to losing me. The day I had to choose who I wanted to trust my heart with, it took me less than 3 seconds to figure out that I'd rather choose Jason over Michael. I guess it was because I knew I could trust him and I knew things would be better. Why is that just that one little decision can do much? What is it about me that's so hard to let go? I don't understand how you can list 100 reasons why you don't like me, yet you're still in love with me. I can understand that it's hard letting someone go, I had to deal with the pain too. But I think what's holding him back is the old memories of me, of how things used to be. I think what he truly wants is to re-live his past, I think he just wants to be happy again .. and I think I'm the reason why he can't be happy again. I don't think he'll ever be happy until he lets go of me .. and lets go of us. I'm not saying he needs to forget the memories, but you can't live in the past forever. I think you should always cherish memories, but not dwell on them. I just want to make not only myself & jason happy, but Michael too. I don't want to hurt Jason because of the fact that I'm trying to make Michael feel better. I don't want Jason thinking I'm going to have feelings for him again. I just want myself, and both of them happy, that's all I really want.
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