homecoming 2009 update.

- Homecoming was last weekend & sad to say it was "okay."
- The dance had crappy music & the fire alarm went off.
- Our football team won the game 28-14, yay (:
- My hair & make-up was a disaster.
- Everything wasn't organized.
- Sleepover was a fail.
- Power went out at nicole's house.
- But the good thing was that nicole's mom made amazing food!
- My feet hurt :(


Lame ...

" i wanna love you better "

" Baby it breaks my heart
To think that loving me is not easy to do
And I don't mean to make it hard
Sorry for all the changes I put you through
And it's hard to believe
After everything you're still here right beside me
Wouldn't trade you for this whole world
Thankful just being your girl "

We've been arguing for the past week, it's becoming a habit now. The sad thing is that its mostly my fault, actually I lied. It's all my fault. I need to change. I can't just let this slip away like I did in the past, I need to do something for once. Not just for the sake of our relationship, but for him. I can't give up on us, on him. I need to get out of my old habits and start thinking about someone else rather than myself. I've been really selfish lately, and I hate myself for the way I've been treating him. I've reached to the point where he's starting to blame himself for my mistakes. I can honestly say "It's not you, it's me." He puts so much effort into this relationship and gives his all, but I give nothing back. I know he'd never believe this if I told this to him, but he's the most amazing guy that I've ever been with, each day I fall more in love with him. A million words couldn't describe how happy he makes me. I wish I could do the same for him, I wish I could make him as happy as he makes me. I'm really starting to hate myself. I'm contemplating on whether or not to just let this go. That's never been my option, but I can't keep hurting him like this. I don't know what to do make this better. I've never been in a situation, or relationship like this before. I'm so lost ... and scared. I'm so used to running away from my troubles, but now I need to face them. I really want to be a better girlfriend, but what if I fail? I can't let him down. I'm scared of losing him. I love him too much to let him go. God please help me?

pumpkin & cream cheese muffin.

Well, I just wanted to do a quick update. It's finally Homecoming week & I do have a date (: Jason customized m&m's saying " homecoming & i love you " on them, I thought it was adorable. Time is passing by so fast, I've been so unprepared with the upcoming events. Senioritis is kicking in, no lie. My senior year hasn't been exactly how I pictured it, but maybe it's just me, I'm just not as spirited as I used to be. I've been really busy lately since I have a job now @Kevin's Sushi & Grill. I don't exactly like the job all that much, but I really need the money. I hate always relying on Jason to buy everything for me, I want to be able to do the same back for him. It makes me really happy knowing I worked for that money & being able to satisfy someone back. As much as I don't like the job, I try telling myself " I'm doing this for him, so it'll be worth it in the end. " I hate managing my time with school, work, boyfriend, and friends ... it sucks. In the end, there's always something that goes wrong.

So I was sitting in parker hall today for leadership, and I saw a poster with a bunch of stars with numbers on it, I looked closer and those were how many days till graduation. Wow. I know it's only October, but the year is already going by super fast. I can't believe I'm a senior. It's weird. I put my ipod on shuffle today and the graduation song by vitamin c just happened to come on. The lyrics are so true. A lot of my friends have been filling out their applications for colleges, and it's sad knowing my friends are going to leave me in just a matter of months. I still haven't decided what I want to do in life. I kind of want to do something in women's health & journalism., but I'm not really sure. I hope everything works out in the end, I'm really worried. I should probably get to sleep, I have school tomorrow. Well goodnight !

(I don't really like this blog, the flow sucks, I shall edit this next time)