Forever never seems to last.

For the past few weeks I've been writing blogs on my daily letters on whatever topic it goes by. I haven't really been blogging on my daily life. I think a lot has happened since I last blogged but I won't really get that into it on here. Not huuuge events, but enough to effect me.

Everyday I always wonder how long my relationship will actually last. I mean, this is reality now. High School relationships lasting forever is a joke nowadays. It's hard not to doubt something that's so inevitable. We do have something rare though, so it's hard to predict what could actually happen. I'm just scared of getting my hopes up and being let down after all we went through. 

Can we honestly make this work? Am I stupid for even thinking we could potentially have a future?

We both have such diverse career paths ahead of us that it seems impossible to have a future throughout all the struggles we have yet to face. 

I don't know. Maybe I'm over thinking this. But it's just been bugging me so much considering summer's ending in a matter of 6 weeks.

I'm just praying for the best.

Letter #16

Dear Cathy,
We haven't talked since you went back to Las Vegas. I hope you're doing well there. I know you'll be an amazing cosmetologist. I'm sorry we left things screwed up last summer. I don't what I can say to you to make you believe me. If you ever do come back to Oak Harbor, I know we won't repeat that again. Well I don't really have anything else to say.

Letter #15

Dear Nicole,

I know it's only been like maybe a month since I last saw you but I still do miss you. Even before you left for vacation, I still found myself missing you. I miss hanging out and having someone to talk to. It's always fun drinking with you & Loren. I'll never forget our first sleepover (: We miss hanging out with you. But I understand you want to hangout with your boyfriend, I just wish sometimes you'd make time for us too. I used to be just like you, spend time with a boyfriend every single day. But in the end, you just might regret it. I don't want to be mean and saying it's a mistake, but I guess he means that much to you to give up the people who want to spend time with you instead of just one person. I know spending time with your boyfriend is fun, but you can't just devote all your time for your boyfriend. I just don't want you to end up like me, losing your friends because you chose your boyfriend over them. I hope I'll actually get to see you and hangout when you get back from Japan.

Letter #14

Dear Jasmine,
I miss living together. I know that if I ever had a problem, you were always there beside me to guide me through. It was as if you were like my little sister. You drove me crazy, yet I couldn't not love you. We spent almost every minute together except when it came to school. You were so weird sometimes, but yet so funny. We've had some good memories these past years. When you moved back home, I guess we spent less and less time together since we had different friends. I'm glad we had choir together though, we got a little closer again on tour. It was like good times again when we used to share a bed. I'm so proud of how far you've gone, I know you'll do great things in the future. I'm sorry we drifted apart, but I guess that's how life is. People change and people leave. As I'm leaving for college, I hope to come home and catch up to see how you're doing. I'm going to miss you jazziephizzle14.

Letter #13

Dear Jason, 

I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry for not putting enough effort into our relationship. I'm sorry for being so selfish all the time. I'm sorry for not giving you the appreciation you deserve. I'm sorry for not loving you. There's only so much I want you to forgive me for. I know it's my fault why you've lost trust in me, but I promise you that someday you will again. That was the biggest mistake of my life, and I'll forever regret it. Not a day goes by where I don't feel ashamed of what I've done. Please just know I'm never going to do it again. You're the only one I want to be with. You're the best boyfriend I've ever had, and I don't want to lose you. Our relationship can't move forward without trust, so please find it deep in your heart to trust me again?

Letter #12

Dear Michael,

As I look back to the hard times I had my past, you're that one person who caused me so much pain and grief. As I'm looking back, I feel so stupid and foolish for staying around. I should have known better than to believe your stupid lies. I should have been more stronger. There's just so much that I regret when I was with you. You crushed my self esteem to pieces. You really damaged me. I became so vulnerable. I hate you for treating me so bad. I hate how you made me hate myself. I hate you for not putting effort into the simplest things in our relationship. I feel bad for you. I feel bad for whoever you're going to end up being with because I know she'll end up heartbroken just like how you left me. Maybe you need to grow up and learn how to treat a girl. I knew from the past to never fall for your lies again, so I hope you're happy. You got what you wanted right? You wanted to see if our relationship was real so you left me. I guess that's your loss not mine. Don't give me that bullshit you said in the past to get me back. I'm not falling for it again, and I never will. I know deep down you might still love me, and maybe you always will, but don't blame me for your mistake.

Letter #11

Dear Grandpa, 

Ever since I was little I've always questioned where you were in my life. We never met but... I'm Sharon, your grand daughter. I'm 18 years old and I just graduated. My parents never really said much about you, except that you passed away long ago. I've always wondered what you were like. Just maybe we might have something in common? There's so many things I wish I knew about you. I've only met one of my grand parents, which is my nanay from my dad's side. She took care of me dearly, I'm sure she did the same for you. I wish I had a grandpa growing up. But some things in life happen unexpectedly so that wish couldn't come true.

Letter #10

Dear Justine,

You're the funniest girl I know, seriously. You're like the best of both worlds, I can count on you to make me laugh, yet you know just the right things to say to me when I'm down. We can always have an interesting conversation whenever we're hanging out, whether its serious or if it's just talking shit haha. We started talking again ever since I started going out with Jason, and I'm glad because you're fun to hangout with. I guess the reason why we don't talk is because you live in a different town than me, but that's about to change in a matter of 2 months. Hopefully we can talk more next year (: