"thanks"

That's all I got. I guess I should have never shown it to you at all. It seemed pointless. I mean, I would have just kept it to myself if I knew it didn't mean anything. I just wanted to tell you how I felt, but it seemed like it didn't really seem to affect you? I wanted you to know how much you mean to me, I needed you to know that so that maybe when you leave tomorrow, you won't be as worried. I don't know. Maybe I'm just upset because I spilled my heart out to you and all I got was one word in return. I probably shouldn't be frustrated about this, but I guess I can't help it. If anything, I guess I'm more confused, kinda worried? I guess I just wanted to know how you felt about me, about us. Maybe he doesn't feel the same why, maybe thats why he didn't say anything back. I just want your feedback. I mean, if I were in his situation, I'd be speechless too at first, but I wouldn't just say thanks. Asdgkjdgh okay well I'm done venting, goodnight blogspot.

the start of something new.

It's winter break right now, yesterday was Christmas. Crazy right? This year has gone by sooo fast. Despite all the downfalls, I'd have to say this has been my best year so far. I've gotten closer to old friends from middle school, made new ones, made a million more memories with the two girls I trust the most and last but not least, I found love<3

Nasty & Fluffy:
I love you two sooo much, you're the best friends I could ever ask for. I know we fight sometimes, but in the end we know it's stupid. Thanks for being there for me :) I'm still here for you guys, no matter how far you guys are. I really hope we stay close after we graduate because I don't know I'd do without you guys. We've had so many memories that I had to make a post-it wall to keep track, lol. Well anyways, I don't want to write too much so I'll leave it at that. I love my bfabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzfl (:

Jaysizzlack:
Oh boyfriend (: There's so much I could say about you, but I'll keep this short. I love you more than you'll ever know. I know you can be pretty weird sometimes. Scratch that last sentence. I mean even though you're weird all the time, you can still make me smile. I'm sorry for all the times I hurt you. I'll make it up to you. We've had a lot of memories that I'll never forget. Especially our cheek kisses & the day we fell in love (: Just know that you're the only one I want to be with, and that my heart is all yours<3

I don't think I made a new years resolution for 2009? But I guess I shall make a to do list for 2010, I hope I can complete the list.

- graduate
- get license/car
- trip to canada
- go on a summer vacation somewhere with jason
- get another job
- lose the double chin. HAHAHA
- benchpress 90 lbs
- eat space cakes
- get at least one scholarship
- keep contact w/ nasty&fluffy when college comes
- stay together w/ jason
- go to the cheesecake factory&red lobster w/ jason
- i'll add more later.

jpda<3

Have you ever had that one person stuck on your mind like all day that you can't stop thinking about no matter what. Well I'm at that point. I just can't stop thinking about him once he leaves my sight. I'm sitting in my room right now and all I could think about was what he said to me last night. He told me how beautiful I was, and how much he loves me and how he wanted to get old together. I wasn't sure if he meant it or not because he was drunk. Normally he wouldn't say anything like that to me while sober, but I don't know. It made me really happy, I literally couldn't stop smiling. Thank goodness it was dark because my smile was starting to look really ugly. I love it when he holds me really close because I like knowing I'm his one & only. I think it's really cute when he calls me babe, baby, or love. I don't know why, it's just a name. Whenever we're in public, I always make sure to hold his hand, or do something to make sure people know he's unavailable. I want the world to know he's mine. Also, if I'm attached to him at the store, creepers won't talk to me, so he's like my body guard. I love falling asleep together every night on the phone because it's the closing thing to sleeping with him. I love how he's willing to pick me up anywhere, anytime, everyday. Whenever somethings wrong, I know I can vent to him no matter what the situation is. I love the way he says "I love you." He looks really hott when we have sex, he's amazing in bed. Okay enough with that. I'm watching 500 days of summer all by myself. I like the movie, but it makes me think about him even more. Old memories we had together keep going through my head. When we first started going out, he wrote this blog and said " I realized the more I get to know/see her, the more and more I like her." That made my heart melt. I remember when we first kissed on the lips, and when we said our first "I love you." Falling in love with him has probably been the scariest, yet best feeling I've ever felt. I've never been this happy with someone before. " My happiest moments weren't complete if you weren't by my side." I trust him with my heart more than anything. I'm scared that I'll lose him. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's like that one person that you know you're meant to be with. Honestly, I can't picture myself with anyone else but him. I've never met a guy with qualities that he has. Everyone wants to find " the one, " but I think I already found him.  I could be wrong because I'm only 17. But this type of feeling doesn't come around very often. I'm hoping it'll last for a long time.

Don't leave me...