200<3

As of today, Jason & I, have officially been together for 200 days. I'm sure the countdown thingy will keep changing the amount as the days go by, but frankly I'm pretty shocked. 200 days? that's a long time. Well, we've liked each other for about 230 or more days, so technically it could have been longer, but that's okay. These 200 days with him have been the best 200 days of my life (: I don't mean to sound corny, but to be honest, being with him has made me a much more happier person than I was before. Lately we've both been busy with school & work, so we don't see each other as much as we used to. Maybe that's a good thing? Maybe it's a sign or something? All relationships have ups & downs, maybe this is something we need to work on. Maybe we need to learn how to manage our time with school/jobs and still be able to make this relationship work. I'm determined to stay together, despite whatever gets in the way. I think being apart is kind of a good thing because every time I see him after a long time, it kinda feels like I haven't seen him for weeks, so when I do get to see him, I'm ten times more happier. I mean sometimes it sucks whenever he's not around. I hate seeing other couples together at school knowing I can't be the girl that he walks to class anymore, but there's really nothing I can do about that. Sometimes I feel like we barely talk anymore just because I can't talk on the phone or text him as much as I used to. I mean lately we've barely talked on the phone at night because I'm tired from school & I have to wake up the next morning, so I need sleep. It's pretty pathetic that I do miss him, even though I see him every other day. But I guess that's the problem with me, I need to make sure I can still be a strong person with or without him. I can't always rely on him (even though I do 99.9% of the time.) I hope we stay together even though we can't see each other as much. I hope things don't change between us. I hope that the 200 days could turn into a thousand +more.

i think i'm going to ramble on about a bunch of random stuff that pops into my mind.

The last time I wrote a blog, I couldn't control myself, or well my emotions. Things have been a lot better since then, thanks to a special someone (: speaking of that boy .... I spent the night at his house last night, it was really fun, if you know what I mean (; lol. anyways, I think our relationship is pretty good for 6 months. I mean yeah there will be an argument every once in awhile, but other than that, I've been really happy. Each day I feel like our love has been getting stronger. Here's this quote that I like that reminds me of us.

"Although our relationship has taken many beatings, the patience we have with one another is amazing. Communication is the key. Trust is essential. Love requires unconditional understanding. We must purposely forget our luggage in the baggage claim in order for us to live in the present and grow into our future. So many steps to take but the directions are simple. Being in love is easy but the hard part is working to keep it. Never force, suffocate, or grasp love; it will slip through your fingers like sand. And even if our fights are dumb as fuck, the greatest part about love is that if you got it good, you can overcome anything. "

Anyways, school has started. Honestly, it's not that exciting as I thought it'd be. It feels weird coming back as a senior, knowing this is my last year in high school. It's so weird seeing how much things have changed. It kinda sucks seeing the construction workers tear down all my memories I've made my past 3 years at the school. It may have been shitty, but it was like my home. I'm not going to come back to the school reminiscing on old memories, I'd be coming back lost & confused; just like my first day of school as a freshman. As a senior, I don't even know where all my classes are by heart. I feel like a freshman again. But, I know as time goes by, I'll figure things out. Graduating is my first priority. Having fun is definitely my second. My goal is to make this the best year of my high school life. I've decided to forget all the summer drama and ignore what other people have to say about me. I'm not going to waste my time on unnecessary people in my life.

Well .... I'm going to watch the VMA's. Goodnight (:

" no matter what happens, i'm going to be there hold your hand through everything, i promise. "

I haven't written in awhile, well at least it feels like it's been awhile for me. I don't really know why I write on here because I know people won't read it. Probably because I choose not to expose myself, or well my feelings to the world. There's just certain things that I like to keep to myself sometimes. Like today. No one knows what I'm talking about except me and Jason. I won't explain the situation, but I just need to get these emotions out of my head before I start to breakdown again. I'm scared to death. I don't know what to do with myself, with us, with "it"? I'm praying to God, hoping he'll choose the best thing for me, for us. I'm trying not to blame myself for the situation I'm in right now, but it's kind of hard not to. Just thinking about throwing away not only my hopes & dreams away, but his too, just breaks me heart, and knowing I'd be the biggest disappointment to my friends and family just kills me. I'm not capable of living my life with this. This is something I'll forever regret. Fuck. I hate this. I hate being given choices that all seem to suck. Oh no... It's coming back. I can't hold it in anymore. Tears are pouring out my eyes as I'm writing this. The possibilities of what could happen are endless. I'm hoping for just one outcome. Please God, help us? I can't let the one I love sacrifice his life for me. I can't let him go, I refuse to, and I damn sure won't be the one leaving him. I couldn't do that to him. I love him so much that I'd rather go through the hardships alone, rather than watch him put his life on the line. I wish there was an easy way out. I hope everything will be okay. I hope I'll do the right thing. I hope there's still a happy ending.